my housemate off to Miri with her two friends, leaving me alone here. (she did ask me to join them but sadly i can't because lots of works need to be done before monday. LIAR. I DID NOTHING WHOLE DAY BUT WATCH NON-STOP-COMEDY-SERIES-BACK-TO-BACK though i know I HAVE LOADDDS WORK to be complete before middle year school break. ok i promise to myself i will start doing all my works tomorrow. worklist need to be done: fail guru mata pelajaran, fail guru pemulihan, data murid, keceriaan linus bla bla bla. to make tonight even 'lovely', i can clearly hear those mice running and 'dancing' on d ceiling RIGHT NOW. seriously mice?? nowwwwww you have to show (or hear) yourself to me?? ok i actually saw real mouse in front of me several times in this house (YES WE LIVE IN THE HOUSE WHERE MOUSE EXIST) but pls mice, don't 'attack' me with your scary run noises and all. grghhhhhhhhhhhh anyway thank God my lappy connected to KTW (kampung tanpa wayar 1 Malaysia) so at least i still have a little entertainment.
ok x ada keja sgt. surfing dgn happy and sesaja. mencari bahan2 bacaan yg menarik dlm tenet (since x ada buku kena laa rajin membaca dr tenet kn uhuhuhu). pastu tjumpa bbrp page yg menarik hati. i'll paste it here but don't worry, im not stealing the words or idea.i'll put the original website address here too.enjoiceeeeeee reading!
website 1: You Don't Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To be. original source: HERE.
It doesn’t take much to miss him: a song, a movie, a TV show. Maybe it’s a friend mentioning his name, or seeing or meeting someone who shares his name. The pain is almost unbearable.
The “him” I speak of is the man you used to be in a relationship or
the man who you hoped to be in a relationship with. But he’s no longer
in your life in the way he used to be. You still think you genuinely
feel love for him, despite the fact that he’s no longer a major part of
your life for a reason: he is a jerk. He hurt you, probably repeatedly.
And you know in your heart of hearts that you have no business ever
having a relationship or probably even having any sort of friendship
with him. But you still miss him a lot–even if he was and is bad for
you.
You’re tightly holding onto the memories of this man despite the fact
that you know that it’s time to move on. You miss him more than you can
clearly express, you think of him all the time, and your heart aches at
the thought of not having him near.
Of course, the problem with missing someone with whom you have an
unhealthy relationship is that it leads to re-engagement with that
person–which is the last thing you need. But you’ve probably texted him
or called him, more than once. And you probably regretted it soon after
you’ve done it. You can’t just help yourself, can you? Every bit of
progress you’ve made in an attempt to gain a healthy distance from him
goes straight back to zero.
If given any chance, you would take him back in a second; you hope
that one day, he can turn around and admit, “I screwed up, you are what I
need in my life.”
Which brings me to my point: this guy you miss so much, he doesn’t really exist.
Yup. That man you miss so much, the man you wish could hold you
again, the man whose physical presence you crave, isn’t really real.
You may be saying, “Wait a minute! I was in a very real relationship, what do you mean he didn’t exist?”
What you’re missing is the idea of him, not who he really was and is.
You’re missing the version of a man that you constructed in your
head. You created this version of him to fulfill a need. It could be a
need to solve the problems of men in the past. It could be an
unrealistic obsession with the “perfect guy.” It could be an obsession
with unavailable men. Early on in your relationship or friendship, this
guy somehow did things that you’ve always wanted a man you’re in a
relationship to do and somehow said all the right things and that is
what you end up being biased towards. He also seemingly managed to avoid
doing things that men in your past did to hurt you emotionally or made
you feel uncomfortable. And as soon as you witnessed this “good”
behavior, you latched on to it. Box checked; this guy might be the one.
You ignore all the bad stuff and hang on to the romantic fantasy of him
feeding you nice lines.
But all these positive traits are the components you piece together
to create this image of this guy, who wasn’t actually a good guy or at
least not the man for you. And it’s that constructed version of him that
makes you ache, that makes you hurt. It’s the version you miss so much.
It’s the version that makes you wonder how you are ever going to find a
guy like him again. You can’t imagine that another guy like him, with
all his unique qualities, could exist.
The creation/idea you thought you were with, the guy you miss so much actually treated you horribly, made you cry, made you feel lonely. But you don’t think as much about those horrible moments when you are thinking of him, do you?
The parts of him that you do miss don’t really involve the negative. Rather, it’s about the idyllic. It’s about little moments with him that were so amazing; you can just close your eyes and go back to them and feel incredibly happy and then incredibly sad.
Whenever you should be reminding yourself that this guy hurt you, disappointed you, you do just the opposite. The man you managed to create, who doesn’t really exist, pops up. He’s smiling, he’s making you feel special, he’s the one who makes you feel invincible. “The idea” of him comes roaring back and sets you further behind in your progress to properly move on.
Nighttime is the worst, isn’t it? The anxiety runs high. Nothing can
seemingly soothe the frustration, anger, sense of loss. Being alone is
painful, but even being with your friends is equally tension-filled.
It’s enough to make you want to throw something against the wall,
“Why can’t I just stop re-engaging, why can’t I just move on, why can’t I
stop missing him? Why can’t I make this go away?”
You’re not going to stop missing “him” until you first acknowledge that he was never really there to begin with.
website 2: Falling In Love With Someone While Married. original source: click HERE.
Falling with someone you can’t have
I usually get mails form time to time from people asking me about
developing emotions for people they can’t be with, for example, one of
the famous mails I get is from the 20 years old girl who likes the 45
years old man she sees often.
Whether you like someone else while you are married or whether you
like someone who is much older than you then this kind of love falls
under the same category of loving someone you can hardly have.
Falling in love with someone else while married
Before we can say whether this kind of love is healthy or not you must first know that the seed that starts love is usually physical attraction or some kind of interest in someone that results from the release of certain chemicals.
You can become physically attracted to any person who matches your physical attraction criteria starting from someone who is older than you up to a movie star whom you see only on television. (see What attracts women and men).
That’s why the role of the conscious mind must always be preventing the subconscious mind from letting that attraction grow to become deep love if the relationship is not logically possible.
If this kind of control wasn’t allowed you will always fall in love
with people you can’t have and you will cause lots of troubles to
yourself and the people around you.
Watch out for the chemicals
In my previous article, why do people cheat, I explained how some cheaters fall in love with people whenever they feel attracted to them not knowing that this attraction resulted from chemicals that will sooner or later fade away!!
This means that if you got bored of your wife then this does only
mean that the chemicals that get released at the beginning of a
relationship ran out. People who chase these chemicals always end up
with disappointment because they never last except for the early stages
of a relationship. (see How to restore love to marriage).
If you always fall in love with someone else while married
then know that this kind of attraction you have towards him might not
last and that you are risking your current relationship for something
that might end sooner that you expect.
website 3: Why People Cheat in Relationship. Original source click HERE.
Why do people cheat in relationships?
When you first fall in love with someone
certain chemicals are released in your body that gives you the
sensation of pleasure, joy and excitement. Later on these chemicals
disappear and the feelings of love are felt through intimacy and
closeness instead of butterflies in the stomach.
When a man meets another woman other than his wife and finds her
attractive these chemicals are released once again whether he is a
cheater or not. At this point cheaters go for the new relation while
honest people avoid giving in to the feelings of attraction they felt.
People who don't understand this concept might cheat
When this happens to a cheater he never realizes that the attraction
he feels towards that person results from the hormones that are released
in his body but instead he thinks that he loves that new person more
than his spouse.
Cheaters might say something like:
- I experience new feelings when i see her that i don't experience with my wife anymore
- I am more motivated to see him than to see my husband
- I never seem to get bored of her
When we formulate these terms scientifically they become as follows:
- I forget how those chemicals felt like, with that new person i can feel them again
- More chemicals are pumped into my body when i see him than when i see my husband
- i don't think those chemicals will ever stop being released (the same thought that he first got when he married his wife)
How to prevent cheating?
Most of the cheaters who understand this concept stop cheating simply
because they realize that they are just chasing chemicals and not real
feelings. In my book The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship
i explained how both partners should understand the fact that chemicals
won't last forever and that intimacy must take over such feelings in
order for the relationship to survive.
People who cheat chase a mirage then sooner or later will find that
the chemicals they were after disappeared once again and this is where
serial cheating comes from.
If you know a person who cheats on somebody then let him read this
article. If you cheat then now you know that you are only going after
chemicals and that you not in love with someone else.
Isn't there any way to restore these chemicals?
Yes you can restore these chemicals to your existing relationship by
doing things such as increasing the eye contact and experiencing
exciting events together. For more information on this topic read my
article how can i love my husband again.
website 3: How To Restore Love in a Marriage. Original source: HERE.
In my article the psychology of falling in love
I explained how we fall in love with people who meet a certain criteria
that we have in our minds which is called the subconscious mind
criteria.
The reason you are currently in a relationship is that you matched the subconscious criteria of your partner.
One of the main reasons love escapes from relationships is that
people give their best shots early in the relationship so that they
attract their partners then stop doing effort right after attracting
them until they become different people who no longer match the criteria
of their partners.
How to bring love back
The key to bringing love back to the relationship is to recall the
reasons that made your partner fall in love with you at the beginning
then reminding him of them once again. Did he fall in love with you
because you were intelligent, persistent or beautiful?
Taking beauty as an example, if it was one of the biggest reasons
your husband liked you then certainly caring about your looks should be
one of the main priorities you should have in your relationship.
If you kept dressing messed up clothes , if you kept your hair messy
or if you didn't maintain a tidy look then your partner might become
repelled!
In short when we start to act in a way that results in letting us
lose one of the items that is listed in the subconscious criteria of our
partner then love will die.
In my book How to make someone fall in love with you
i explained how understanding your partner's subconscious criteria and
working on matching it most of the time can make your partner love you
more and can make your relationship happier.
Repositioning yourself
Start acting once again as if you just met that person and do your best to impress him.
Show all of your good qualities the way you used to do it earlier, keep
pointing out your skills, the advantages that you have and your partner
will start to become attracted to you once again.
Once of the main reasons people start to cheat
is that they find someone else who matches their subconscious mind
criteria while in the same time they find that their current
relationship partners failed to do it. if you repositioned yourself to
match the criteria then your partner will fall in love with you once
again.
i think this page kinda helpful especially who those still hoping to get back with his/her loser ex-lover, or to anyone who fall in love with a wrong person, or to anyone who purposely/accidentally fall in love while married (na'uzubillah), and to those who wish the love in marriage is last forever. but yeah, feelings fade. just like the chemical. it's up to us how to keep the feeling stay.
omg today is may 18th. less than a month i'll be someone wife. Insha Allah. ya Allah pmudahkanlahhhhhhh.
*xtau berperasaan apa. haha* neves sket2. happy (errkkk wkkwkwkw), entah lahhh. kawen dlu bru tau kottttttt =p
bye.
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